Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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