your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
