the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
