Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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