its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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