Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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