you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
