He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dicks are not precious.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
