The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize