I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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