Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
