Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
