i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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