don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
