This is not my ceiling
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
