I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
