my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize