Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize