no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
