True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
