I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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