I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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