we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
