I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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