i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
