also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
