I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
