You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
