I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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