Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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