summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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