When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
