he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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