Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
