I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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