I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
