he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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