That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
