hell yes lets make some ravioli
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
