It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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