The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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