I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
