I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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