this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
