if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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