This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
