see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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