Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Operation Purity has been aborted
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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