I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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