he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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