you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
