I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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