only if we run a train.
done.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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