my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
