There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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