pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
