Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
