last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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