KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
