saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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