you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
