apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
