That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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