onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
