I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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