i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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