He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Panties = found
Randomize
