I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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