he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
