Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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