So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
