I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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