i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
