He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
