Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
