How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.