Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this just has baby written all over it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
