He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
