This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love you.
Bad choice
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
