WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
