Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
