Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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