when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
